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just a little funny i heard

Discussion in 'General Talk Forum' started by ewo, Sep 5, 2010.

  1. ewo

    ewo Moderator Staff Member

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    Well my request has gone unanswered so i guess we must make the best of it

    I apologize for my first post because it certainly inspired the second post
    So let me do this right this time......... KEEP IT CLEAN AND RESPECTFUL
    THIS IS A FAMILY ORIENTED SITE (IE: CHILDREN FRIENDLY) .....

    THIS post was edited for content By ewo
    Now to start again.

    ..........................................................................................................................
    This is the true story of George Phillips of Meridian, Mississippi, who was going to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the shed. George opened the door to go turn off the light but saw there were people in the shed in the process of stealing things.

    He immediately phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and George said no and explained the situation. Then they explained that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be there when available.

    George said, "Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people in my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them all."

    Then he hung up. Within five minutes three squad cars, an Armed Response unit, and an ambulance showed up. Of course, the police caught the burglars red-handed.

    One of the policemen said to George: "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"
     
  2. kram242

    kram242 Administrator Staff Member

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    Lets keep it G rated please
    Mark and Trish
     
  3. ewo

    ewo Moderator Staff Member

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    A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

    The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

    Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

    The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I've Arrived
    Date: 16 May 2003
    I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
    P.S. Sure is hot down here!

    :D
     
  4. ewo

    ewo Moderator Staff Member

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    A man and a woman go to the carnival every year. Every time the man says,"Anna can we ride them airplanes that goes up for a couple of minutes then comes back down?"

    The woman always replied by saying,"We don`t need to spend any extra money on them airplanes,its to expensive.Ten dollars is ten dollars.

    Tom, the pilot, said," Larry, every year I hear you say you want to ride my airplanes, and every year Anna says it`s too expensive. I`ll make you a deal, if I do all of my flips and tricks with you in there with me, and you don`t say one word, I`ll give you the ride for free.

    Anna and Larry discussed it and decided they would take the deal.They got up in the air and Tom did all of his tricks and flips.

    Tom said,"Larry I just knew you`d say something on that first flip,but you didn`t!

    Larry replied," i was going to say something when Anna fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars.
    ;)
     
  5. theothers

    theothers Administrator Staff Member

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    ewo, thanks for the re-write. The second one made me laugh out loud. Mark's Dad tells the third joke sometimes :)

    Mark and Trish
     
  6. kram242

    kram242 Administrator Staff Member

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    LOL I love the first one! :lol: Thanks for the laugh :D
    Mark and Trish
     
  7. ewo

    ewo Moderator Staff Member

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    So a blond was speeding down the highway. All of a sudden she gets pulled over (obviously because she was speeding.)

    The cop who pulled her over was also a blond (uh-oh)... The cop says "Ma'am i need to see your drivers license ID."

    The driver was confused, being blond and all.

    So, the cop decides to remind her what an ID is. "Ma'am its a rectangular thing with your picture on it"

    The blond still has no idea, but looks for it anyways. So funny them blonds. She pulls out a rectangular mirror and hands it to the cop.

    The blond cop says to the blond driver, "Oh, sorry ma'am if I had known YOU were a cop too, I wouldn't have pulled you over."

    Its just a joke folks :p
     
  8. cptdragn

    cptdragn Member

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    And then there was the one thats goes like this.

    What black, blue and red all over and can be found laying in a ditch?
    Someone that has told one too many blond jokes :D

    And no, I'm not a blond.... but my wife is! :lol:
     
  9. ewo

    ewo Moderator Staff Member

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    now that is funny ! :D
     
  10. kram242

    kram242 Administrator Staff Member

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    Here's some good one thought you guys may like :D
    Mark and Trish Attached files [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  11. TigerPilot

    TigerPilot Well-Known Member

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    OH YAEH, cpt, OH YEAH? Than here is this: :D

    A blond boards a plane and sits down in the first class section.

    The stewardess goes to her and says: 'Mam, this is first class and you're ticket is for tourist class. Can you please move to the back of the plane?.

    'No', says the blond, 'I'm a blond, I'm going to New York and I will stay here'

    The stewardess don't know what to do and goes to the co-pilot. He asks the same from the blond and she answers just the same:

    'No', says the blond, 'I'm a blond, I'm going to New York and I will stay here'

    The Cpt. hear it and says: 'Don't worry, I'm married to a blond, I'll take care of it'.

    He goes over to the blond, greats her, leans down and whispers something in her ears.

    The blond stands up agitated and a mid a mumbling of 'how come nobody told me of this' goes to the tourist section.

    'What in the world did you tell her?' the astound stewardess and co-pilot asked.

    'Oh, nothing special', answered the Cpt. 'I just said that the first class doesn't go to New York'!
     
  12. ewo

    ewo Moderator Staff Member

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    A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.

    She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.

    A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.

    As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

    Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"

    To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

    :D
     
  13. kram242

    kram242 Administrator Staff Member

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    That was a good one!!
     
  14. ewo

    ewo Moderator Staff Member

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    There was a family that had a parrot that was always embarrassing them by cussing and other stuff like that.

    So one day the boy took the parrot and stuck him in the freezer.Two hours later the squawking stopped.

    The kid checked the freezer and the parrot said, "Okay I'll stop cussing, but I have one question".

    The boy said, "What"?

    The Parrot asks, "What did the turkey do"??? :eek:
     
  15. kram242

    kram242 Administrator Staff Member

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    :lol: good one!
     
  16. AlphaGeek

    AlphaGeek New Member

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    I can write this because my Brother is one of the Presidents of BP N. America, so it's all in jest...

    The economy is so bad that...

    ...The mafia is laying off judges

    ...BP just laid off 25 congressmen

    ...They caught a truckload of Americans trying to cross the border into Mexico

    ...When you get a check back marked "Insufficient Funds" you have to call the bank and ask if they mean you or them

    ...Motel 6 won't leave the light on anymore

    ...I got a pre-declined credit card offer in the mail

    ...When you order a burger at McDonalds, the kid behind the counter asks "Can you afford fries with that?"

    ...CEOs are playing miniature golf



    ...
     
  17. kram242

    kram242 Administrator Staff Member

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    :lol:
    Now these I will have to use! :D
    Thanks AlphaGeek
    Mark and Trish
     
  18. jjackson

    jjackson New Member

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    OK, here are my contributions.

    The first one is a bit dated and a bit ironic for this forum.


    The second one i hacked from another similar cartoon for our club newsletter.

    Enjoy!

    John Attached files [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  19. kram242

    kram242 Administrator Staff Member

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  20. crash5050

    crash5050 Member

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    Some people have too much time to waste!

    Attached files [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG] [​IMG]
     
  21. rcav8r

    rcav8r Moderator Staff Member

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    I particularly like the Verizon one... at work we are having what would appear to be a very simple billing problem with an AT&T bill, but total lack of having a clue about anything on their side is causing this to drag on since May.... Sending in a check like that would really throw them for a fruit loop :shock:

    I forwarded to my AP lady as a suggestion :D
     
  22. navionflyer

    navionflyer New Member

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    The phone call associated with the Verizon check is really funny as long as it's not your bill. There is a website with the whole thing recorded and the guy talking with 3 or 4 supervisors who just can't understand the difference between dollars and cents.
     
  23. ewo

    ewo Moderator Staff Member

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    Ahahah ROFLMAO :lol:

    Now this is good stuff we got here...... I love the verizon one also

    Take us to your leader ahh hahaha :lol:
     
  24. TigerPilot

    TigerPilot Well-Known Member

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    I can't find the link to the site. I guess your post fell victim to the censor police! :D Been there, done it, bought the T-Shirt. ;)
     
  25. crash5050

    crash5050 Member

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